I fell deeply in love with my Catholic faith the summer before my junior year of high school. I was at a youth conference far from home, surrounded by hundreds of other teenagers. We were all attending Mass, going to confession, hearing talks about how to take our faith seriously, and spending time in worship and recreation. I remember being there and realizing that this experience was an offer from God, an opportunity to have a deep, personal relationship with him, not because it was something my parents wanted me to do, but because I wanted this way of life – of following Jesus – for myself.

I had grown up in the Catholic faith, and core memories for me were going to Mass and confession regularly, and also watching my parents seek holiness. I saw my dad reading his Bible in the front room during his early morning quiet time, my mom incorporating Christian teaching and music as she moved about the house. My parents had us pray together as a family and also taught us how to relate in a loving way to each other and those around us.

However, it wasn’t until that conference that the faith came alive for me so personally – that it felt like mine. I knew with certainty that this was something I would pursue on my own as I got older and became more independent.

As the years went on and I became a wife and a mother, I saw the other side of faith – that of teaching it. My job was now to live the faith while also working to instill this same love of Jesus and the gift of the Church in my children. I would say it was easy when our children were young (you simply load them into the car, buckle the car seats, and head to Mass); but of course, Paul and I now marvel at all the years we spent walking in and out of church with a fussy baby or agitated toddler, or trying to redirect a child who found sitting still nearly impossible. It’s an easy season to get your children to Mass, but a challenging one to make it through Mass. My best advice for this season: Just do it! You are planting seeds and training your children in the way they should go. Put one foot in front of the other, and pray for grace!

And then time marches on: Children grow older, and they begin to have opinions about where faith fits in to the fabric of their own lives. This is a scary time and can be discouraging. Several of our older boys took some time off from going to Mass, for a variety of reasons. One son, for a time, couldn’t even be bribed to go: When he was away at college, I would offer to send money for dinner if he took a selfie in front of the church. These were desperate times. Another son just didn’t feel like going. They were experimenting, trying to figure out if the way they were raised was really something they bought into.

I remember one very low point for me, a mama who loves the faith and wants that same love to burn in the hearts of her children. I did not want my children to be away from the Father. Suffer us not to be separated from you, Jesus! became the cry of my heart. My husband and I were out walking one day, and I was sharing (again) my anxiety about where our children were at spiritually, not going to church, not making the best choices. And Paul said to me, “Is it harvest time yet?” What he meant was: Do we think God is done working on our children? Or is he still on the throne, loving them and guiding them and drawing them to himself?

This gave me incredible peace, and it also gave me the grace to stop living in fear. We had raised our children to know, love, and serve Jesus, and now it was our job to love them where they were at. In that season, I stopped nagging them about their faith and began to focus on what the Lord was doing in my own heart. Of course, I still prayed for my children, as all parents do! But I also began to lean into the Father’s healing love for me, which gave me deep peace. The closer we walk with Jesus, the more we can believe in his great love for us and for our children. What a relief! I began to ask the Holy Spirit to show me if and when I needed to say things to my children – different answers and approaches for each one of them! And I began to realize, especially for our young adult children, my job was to love them and encourage them, and not henpeck or nag. It was a welcome change for us all.

And by God’s grace, each of these children has returned to the faith. They spend time in prayer, and they go to Mass. God had a plan to draw each of them back to himself, and none of it involved me bribing them. Each one of us must experience a relationship with Jesus that feels very personal, not something we are forced into. The sacraments draw us closer to Jesus, to the Father’s love. We, as parents, must train our children in the way they should go, and be at peace with their journeys to make these truths their own. “In the first place,” writes St. John of the Cross, “it should be known that if anyone is seeking God, the Beloved is seeking that person much more.” We teach our children the truth of Jesus, and we ask Jesus to offer an experience of his love to each one of them. Jesus, give us the wisdom to guide our children, and comfort us with the truth that each one of us is on your radar.